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  • Kevin A. Thompson

Is Your Spouse There For You?

Love shows up. It doesn't just feel. It acts.

Yes/No: My spouse is for me without any hesitation and cares about my sorrows, successes, joys, and fears.


Why Does This Matter?

Knowing your spouse is for you changes everything. As long as there is doubt, you will rightly withhold aspects of yourself. Even worse, if you think your spouse is against you or only for themselves, the relationship can quickly grow toxic. Whether for or against, you will interpret everything your spouse does through this lens. Make sure your spouse knows you are for them. Ensure that your spouse is for you.


What If You Said Yes?

Since you are confident that your spouse is for you and cares about you, work hard to share your sorrows, successes, joys, and fears. Without intention, we can begin to withhold aspects of ourselves. This lack of sharing robs the relationship of key touchpoints of intimacy. Instead, because you know your spouse is for you, grow in your vulnerability. Take risks in sharing deeper and more personal information knowing that your spouse will treat you properly.


What If You Said No?

A no answer requires further inquiry. Why did you answer no? Do you think they are for you, but aren't totally sure? Are you fairly certain they are not for you? Or, is it some part of the later statement--sorrows, success, joys, or fears--that causes you to doubt? Whatever the issue, it needs to be identified and worked out. Unless we are growing in trust with one another, our relationship will stall.

If your spouse is against you, get professional help.

If your spouse is for you, but you are uncertain, grow in your levels of trust.

If your spouse is not always there for you regarding sorrows or struggles, identify why they struggle with intimacy on difficult issues and learn to grow in those areas.


Related Resources:

Article: Commitment--a Healthy Marriage Starts Here

Article: What the Smartest People Rarely Know

Book: Attached--The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find Love by Amir Levine

Book: Fearless Families by Kevin A. Thompson


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