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  • Kevin A. Thompson

Are You Lonely In Marriage?

Loneliness is a sign something important has been lost.

Yes/No: I am married to my best friend. I do not feel lonely in this relationship.


Why Does This Issue Matter?

Friendship forms the foundation of a healthy marriage. While being friends is mandatory, being best friends is ideal. Your spouse was never meant to be your only friend, but he/she is meant to be your best friend. Whenever we know we have someone by our side, it saves us from isolation within the relationship. Everyone feels lonely at times, but there is a difference between common loneliness in life and specific isolation that happens in a relationship. When you feel alone in the marriage, you have very little hope of navigating issues, having meaningful conversations, or maturing as a couple. Knowing your spouse is by your side changes everything.


What If You Said Yes?

Don't take your friendship for granted. Not everyone has what you have. The challenge is to continually grow your relationship through every season of life. What connects you today, may not connect you tomorrow. The way you spend time together now, may not work five years from now. Continually grow individually and as a couple. Stay interested in your spouse and recognize you can never fully know someone. Keep asking questions, exploring new experiences, and going to greater depths of intimacy in order to stay firmly connected with each other.


What If You Said No?

When they get married, most people will say they are friends. Rare is the case in which a husband and wife don't begin as friends. But after the ceremony, some couples fail to intentionally develop their relationship. Others slowly grow apart as the busyness of life distracts them from investing time with one another. If you feel lonely not just in life, but in your relationship, that feeling is hindering your connection with your spouse and the success of your marriage. Something must change. The good news is that friendship can be (re) built. It takes time, intention, shared attention, and a variety of characteristics. If there isn't any active addiction, abuse, or adultery presently in your relationship, make friendship development your number one focus. Prioritize time with one another. Connect your hearts and watch how your relationships grows.


Related Resources:

Article: How to Stay Friends In Every Season

Article: How to Create Friendship in Marriage

Book: Friends, Partners & Lovers by Kevin A. Thompson



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