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  • Kevin A. Thompson

Do You Tell Your Spouse First

Your husband or wife should be your first person. Not your only person, but your first person.



Yes/No: My spouse is the first person I turn to in good times and bad. I can share my whole heart with them.


Why This Issue Matters

First shows priority. If a husband and wife does not make one another the top priority in each other's lives, the relationship will struggle. The "good times and bad" is a key aspect of this statement. In a healthy relationship, we want to support one another in success and failure, joy and sorrow. All of this is a part of sharing our complete heart with one another. As long as we are hiding part of who we are, we are robbing our spouse of the fullness of the relationship.


What If You Said Yes

Most couples begin by making each other their first priority. If that is where your relationship is, continue to nourish the habit of turning toward each other. Life is full of distractions. Be intentional to choose your spouse first with the important issues. Your husband or wife doesn't have to be your first person on every issue, but give them the option. Jenny isn't the first person I tell my golf score to, but she is the first person I turn to in times of great success or sorrow. By turning to one another first, we show each other the value they have in our lives and ensure our relationship stays connected


What If You Said No

One of the first signs of an emotional affair is when another person of the opposite sex becomes the first person you call in good times or bad rather than your spouse. As I say in the video, the first telling of a story is ripe with emotion. When we begin to give those initial emotions to others rather than each other, we are giving those others the best parts of who we are. To rob our spouse of that experience is a dangerous thing.

In most cases, the reason our spouse is no longer our first person is because of past rejection or apathy. Apologize. Learn. Reconnect. Create the habit that the first person we call or lean on is the person who loves us most. If that person isn't your spouse, get help.


Related Resources

Article: One Habit that Starves Your Marriage

Article: 10 Signs Your Marriage is Healthy

Book: 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

Book: Friends, Partners & Lovers by Kevin A. Thompson

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