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Does Your Spouse Respect You?

Respect is a requirement for a healthy partnership. If your spouse doesn't put you first, they don't respect you.

Yes/No: I feel fully respected by my spouse and know I come first with them.

What Does This Issue Matter?

Marriage is meant to be a unique relationship. While we are never meant to be the only person in our spouse's life, we are meant to be the first person for them. We should have a unique position in their thoughts, calendars, and affections. When we don't (or when we don't feel like we do), something is wrong.

What If You Said Yes (4-5 on the scale)?

If you not only feel respect by your spouse, but also feel they put you first, recognize the privilege they have given you. Many people will never feel what you feel. Your spouse, of their own choosing, has made the effort to love you well. Don't take it for granted. Also, don't do anything which would cause them to question the respect they have given you. While they give you respect, you need to make sure you live in a respectful manner in every area of life.

What If You Said No (1-3 on the scale)?

If you hesitated on this statement or quickly answered no, a key question needs to be asked--have you lived in a way that deserves your spouse's respect. For some, they don't feel respected by their husband/wife because they have rightly lost (or never gained) their spouse's respect. It is something that must be earned and when we make destructive/selfish decisions, we will not have the respect we desire. And we shouldn't. If that is the case with you, admit your mistakes, ask for forgiveness, make amends, and start making better decisions.

However, if you have lived in a respectful way but still answered no to this statement, then the problem is with the relationship and not you. You and your partner have failed to communicate respect and priority. Have a discussion about what makes you feel most respected. Let them know why there are times in which you feel like you do not come first with them. For some it's work, for others it's the kids, but in all cases placing something before our spouse is harmful to the relationship.

Related Resources:

Book: Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

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