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  • Kevin A. Thompson

Is Addiction, Abuse, or Adultery Present In Your Marriage?

To have a healthy relationship, we must avoid the three A's.



Yes/No: Addiction, abuse (physical, emotional, verbal), or adultery are not active in our relationship.


Why Does This Issue Matter?

A healthy marriage cannot exist with any form of addiction, abuse, or adultery. A healthy relationship can be created on the other side of each of these but cannot be present when one of these is active within the relationship. All three are a severe breach of the vows husbands make to wives. While they are often downplayed by the person engaging in the bad behavior, there is no denying the destructive consequences of any of these actions. There are not many things in marriage that require a 911 type call, but active addiction, abuse, or adultery are three issues that demand immediate help.


What If You Said Yes (4 or 5 on the assessment)?

Even if you answered 4 on the assessment, I would want to know why. Any pause with this question is worth exploring. Maybe he doesn't think his drinking is a problem. Perhaps she doesn't see her yelling as verbal abuse. Whatever the case, any pause on this question needs testing. If I tell my doctor I have a little chest pain, he might know it is stress, but he must test to ensure it's not a heart problem. So it is with this question. Either truthfully and quickly say these things are not present in your relationship or dive down with a professional to determine what is going on.


What If You Said No (0 through 3 on the assessment)?

If you said no, there is only one step to take...get help. This is not something you can solve on your own. It's not something that can be ignored. The presence of one of the three As does not guarantee your relationship is over, but each is significant enough that without outside intervention, your connection will die. Call your insurance and determine what counseling they will pay for. Find a local Celebrate Recovery and attend (both of you). Do something. Without significant change, your marriage will not make it. Also see, What To Do If Your Spouse Refuses Counseling.


Related Resources:

Article: You Won't Change Until This

Article: The Number One Cause of Adultery

Book: Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away by Gary Chapman

Book: Fearless Families by Kevin A. Thompson

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