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  • Kevin A. Thompson

Is Sex About Both Of You?

When one spouse gets pleasure from sex far more often than the other, it might hinder your intimacy.



Yes/No: During the average month, we have an equal number of orgasms.


Why Does This Issue Matter?

Does having an equal number of orgasms guarantee a successful marriage? No. Do couples need to keep score each month? No. Do couples with a healthy sex life tend to have a more equitable experience than those who do not find their intimacy meaningful? Absolutely. The intention of this question isn't one of accounting; it's one of intention. When a couple fails to intentionally pursue the pleasure of both parties, they rob each spouse of the fullness of sexual intimacy. Yet when they take into consideration the pleasure of both, they are more likely to experience everything sex was intended to accomplish in their relationship.


What If You Said Yes (4 or 5 on the assessment)?

If you said yes to the statement, you are leaps and bounds ahead of many couples when it comes to sexual intimacy. This doesn't imply that your relationship is perfect or that there isn't room for improvement, but it does show that you have the skills necessary to navigate whatever you might face. You can discuss sexual issues. You have learned about your body and the body of your partner. Sex is a strength in the toolbox of your marriage. Celebrate it. Continue to grow through every season of life. And thank your partner for the gift that they give you through sexual intimacy.


What If You Said No (0 through 3 on the assessment)?

If you said no to this statement, you are not alone. Yet there is no need to stay in a place where sex is simply about one partner. A goal of mutual pleasure is a worthy pursuit for both partners. To get there, you will have to root out anything internal hindrance within one spouse (addiction, laziness, untrustworthy behavior, disrespect, etc.), develop a strong bond with one another (trust, respect, communication, etc.), and take the time necessary to learn how to freely give and receive during sex (likes, dislikes, turn-ons, turn-offs, how to productively talk about it, etc.). It's all a process, but it is a process worth pursuing.


Related Resources:

Article: The Greatest Aspect of Sex

Article: The Appeal of Easy Sex

Book: The Great Sex Rescue by Shelia Wray Gregoire

Book: Friends, Partners & Lovers by Kevin A. Thompson

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