Is Your Sex Life Meaningful To Your Relationship?
It's a low, but telling bar. Sex is meant to be meaningful to your marriage.
Yes/No: Our sex life is meaningful and adds to the overall health of our marriage.
Why Does This Issue Matter?
Sex is a primary issue in marriage. It's not the only thing that matters. It's not a secondary issue. Sex and the intimacy that comes with it is one of the three main areas which determine a healthy marriage (friendship and partnership being the other two). When a couple elevates this aspect of marriage above all others or downplays it as unimportant, they suffer the consequences of ignoring something God made to be essential in their marriage. A healthy sex life nourishes every aspect of their connection.
What If You Said Yes (4 or 5 on the assessment)?
If you have a meaningful sex life, you likely communicate well, are thoughtful toward one another, and have developed a pattern of giving and receiving forgiveness. Creating a meaningful sex life doesn't just happen. It's a journey of exploration, trial and error, and dependent on a foundation of trust. If you said yes, determine what has brought you to this point. What have you gotten right? How did you push through difficult times? What sets you apart from other couples? Discover how you have developed a good relationship so that you can continue it into the next season. Just because your sex life is meaningful today, doesn't mean it will be so tomorrow. Stay vigilant, keep growing together, and ensure tomorrow's experience is just as good as today's.
What If You Said No (0 through 3 on the assessment)?
Meaningful is a low bar. It's open to interpretation for each person. If a husband or wife says their sex life is not meaningful to their relationship, that speaks volumes. For some, they will say sex just doesn't matter to them. While this could be true, that idea is often a sign that a person hasn't experienced the fullness of meaningful sex.
For many, it is the woman who says sex is not meaningful and that is the case because intimacy has become all about him. Rather than mutually pursuing a mutual connection, sex simply becomes about him. If the experience is always about one partner, it's not shocking that the other spouse will say sex is not a meaningful aspect of their marriage. For most, the absence of meaningful sex is a symptom of other problems in the relationship. Trust isn't present or disrespect exists. Their friendship is suffering or their marriage has devolved into a parallel existence. Whatever the cause, you need to determine it and do something about it. In many cases, the best way forward is to find a coach or a counselor to assist you.
Article: Be Human Between the Sheets
Book: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
Book: Friends, Partners & Lovers by Kevin A. Thompson