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Are You Giving Your Spouse Everything?

All of me. Not part, but all. Marriage is intended to be a connection of the fullness of two people.

Yes/No: We have full access to each other's heart, mind, and soul.

Why Does This Issue Matter?

The issue is trust. If I don't have full access to the totality of who my spouse is, I will be left wondering what I'm missing. Heart shows intention and affection. I need to know what my spouse loves and what her intention is in life. Mind connotes the idea of how decisions are made. Soul encompasses the totality of who she is primarily showing how she sees the world. When we have access to every part of our spouse's heart, mind, and soul, we can develop deep trust and be confident in the love we share.

What If You Said Yes

Full access doesn't me you do this with perfection, but it does mean you regularly see the depth of each other's personhood and experience great love. You can't answer yes to this statement without a deep trust. Congratulations on developing that trust. Continue to build on it. Know that just because you agreed to the statement today, doesn't guarantee you can do the same tomorrow. We are continually growing and changing so we must continually seek to know one another.

What If You Said No

A no reveals an area for growth. Two questions become important: why not and how can we start? Explore why you currently can't access the fullness of your spouse or why you don't give your partner full access to you. It could be past broken trust or the failure to build trust. It might also be a past hurt that has nothing to do with your spouse but prevents you from trusting others. Whatever the issue, identify what is preventing you from saying yes. Then develop a game plan of how to improve. For some, you will need professional help. For most, you can get a mentor couple or read a book and begin to grow this aspect of your relationship.

The good news is that a no answer is not a fatal blow to the marriage, but it is a warning sign. For many couples, this is an area ripe with potential. When we prove that we will treat our spouse's heart, mind, and soul with great care, they will begin to open more of those things to us. With greater vulnerability comes greater understanding and love.

Related Resources

Book: Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson

Book: Friends, Partners & Lovers by Kevin A. Thompson

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