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How Is Your Marriage?

Updated: Mar 29, 2022

When I ask business owners about their companies, they can quickly recite P/L statements or stock prices. When I ask people about their hobbies they can review their latest golf game or tennis match. Ask a parent about their family and they will quickly give you an update on the kids and their activities. But ask someone about their marriage and often a long pause ensues.

We often don't think about the state of our marriage. While every other area of life is given a clear distinction and evaluation, life often keeps us so busy that we rarely stop and think about if our marriage is successful or not. While we might have a general concept of if we are happy or not, we don't think about the areas we are strong, weak, or in need of improvement.

This is where a marriage assessment becomes useful. A quick assessment with simple questions spread across the key areas which make a relationship successful can help a couple determine where they stand, what they can celebrate, where they need to work, and what would be the best step or two to improve their relationship.

To assist couples in considering their marriage and finding an area or two where they can grow, I've created The Marriage Assessment. It's a simple, 30 question assessment that can be taken in less than five minutes. At the end of the survey, it will give you a score in three categories--friendship, partnership, and intimacy--and a total score.

The point of a marriage assessment is not to start an argument or create tension. Instead, it's meant to bring into the light things that might be ignored or denied. It's easier to discuss an issue when you see a score on a screen you do not like or one that could be improved (and we can all improve).

The power of this assessment is that it was created in consultation with Marriage and Family Therapists. It covers the issues which really matter in a marriage. For many people, what they think it takes to have a successful marriage doesn't necessarily match the science of what makes a marriage work. This assessment will cover the issues that really matter--is your partner there for you, do you feel heard by your spouse, can you easily get your spouse's attention, is your sex life meaningful, etc.

Take the assessment. Consider your scores. Then pick one area in which you want to improve your relationship and get to work. For more about the three categories and why an assessment matters, watch this:

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