Updated: Jul 29, 2022
So you've taken the assessment. You know your scores. But now what?
The first step is to recognize the point of the assessment. It's not guilt. It's not hopelessness. The Marriage Assessment is intended to provide a pathway for a better relationship, no matter the circumstance. For some, the news is difficult. It's not surprising, but your relationship is in trouble and you know it. Use the numbers to convince you to get the help you need. For others, the news might be surprising. With rare exceptions, every person who takes the assessment will find areas that need improvement and every couple will have places of disagreement. Use the information to have good conversation and move forward.
To get a better understanding of each statement from the Marriage Assessment, see below:
A couple of suggestions regarding scoring and how to move forward:
47-50: this is an area of great strength. Give thanks for it.
40-47: this is still a strong area and maybe one conversation could improve your experience.
35-40: this is an area that clearly could use some growth. Read the articles, books, and consider reaching out for marriage coaching.
35 and below: there is significant work to be done. Use the number as a motivation to get to work.
The next step is to determine if you and your spouse can discuss the issues by yourselves or if you need help. If the scores are low enough, you probably need help. If in any area--friend, partner, or lover--you scored lower than 30, you likely need help in navigating the issues. For help in finding professional counseling, contact us at kt@kevinathompson.
For most couples, you can work through these issues as a couple. Be patient. Listen well. Speak kindly. But discuss the issues that came to light. Determine which statements created different answers, read (and watch) my explanation of why the statement matters, and then have a conversation. Allow each person to give their perspective on the issue. Gameplan ways to improve. Leave the conversation with each person having one concrete step to take in order to improve the relationship.
For some, you might be able to handle the situation on your own, but some coaching wouldn't hurt. At ChangeTheOdds, we are providing marriage coaching. To inquire about what is involved, message us at firstname.lastname@example.org.